Enough is Enough

We've all had that moment. The one where you decide you are done. Just done. Maybe it's with the PTA or some craft you've been working on or trying to get that dang stain off of the counter (just me? okay.) but we've all been there, none the less.

And maybe it's something bigger. I have a friend who has declared 2013 "The Year of No CRAP". And I love that! She decided it was time to stop taking other peoples crap, that she'd stop dealing with the crap she doesn't want to deal with... you know what I'm talking about: maybe you don't care that your junk drawer is over flowing and why should you? Or maybe you couldn't care one iota about a pile of shoes in your closet. And again why should you? And honestly? You think that blonde with the 6 kids and the perfect manicure and the perfect legs and the perfect husband and the homemade cupcakes is probably really stinking tired!!!

Well, we do care and here's why. We "feel" like we should care because we live in this self-obsessed world where the how-to's, the tips, the tricks, the blogs, the magazines, the "I woke up at 4:30 am and went for an 8 mile run, came home made breakfast for my family, packed my kiddos and husband's lunch, cleaned all the bathrooms, showered and got dressed, including these fabulous 6" platform heels and mini-dress, that I'm now going to chase my 3 year old around in all day" MOMS, tell us we should have perfectly organized "junk drawers" (am I the only one who sees the oxymoron here?) and our shoes should all be aligned according to height and color and season... is that even possible?

And we compare ourselves to each other like no other generation before. Why? Well because we can. We are inundated with pictures of grandiose homes and perfectly-styled children on beaches and husbands in $250 dress shirts and women who some how find the time to practice nail art on a daily basis while they scrub their baseboards with homemade non-toxic cleaners!

And here's the deal: I'm not saying you shouldn't try that nifty nail art trick or that non-toxic homemade cleaners aren't awesome and probably better for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to do everything you want to do. If you want to be that woman, than more power to you. What I'm saying is, when are we going to stop trying to be other women in hopes of becoming our perfect selves? Because I truly believe that the only way I can be the me I'm meant to be, the me that God intends me to be, is if I'm honest with myself about my life. Who are my friends, where and how do I spend my time, what things I'm doing and what are their purposes in my life? Am I being the best mother and wife I can be? These are the important questions.

So my friend decided enough was enough and stopped the CRAP! Like I said, we have all been there.

I know I have.

I think I'm there now.

Getting my SEXY Back

I have a feeling I am not alone in the following: Before kids I was a sexy, Victoria's Secret wearing, flaunt what the good Lord gave you, type of woman. I made no bones about the fact that I looked damn good and I was damn proud of it. It wasn't just a body confidence, it was an inner confidence.  I was fierce. And my wardrobe was built of low cut, tight fitting everything. It was going out clothes and relaxing clothes and not much in between. And because I am not stupid, I am more than aware that that is how my hubby liked it.

And then I had babies. Oh, the babies. And with the babies came 60 pounds. And with the 60 pounds came a loss of identity.

I can say that now. Now that my youngest is almost three years old and I've had time to process what exactly I allowed to happen. Nothing happened to me. I wasn't just sitting there and BAM! I was a different person. Change takes time and as that time came and went, I allowed myself to become someone I no longer recognized. Someone I didn't really actually like anymore.

Besides the weight and the loss of my outward confidence, I let myself become jaded toward those women who had fought to maintain their bodies. Jaded towards those women who seemed to still flirt and play with their husbands, who seemed to still enjoy their lives. I built up this wall of cool and smart-assy that prohibited me from taking part in the lives of these women that I might have learned something from. All because I inwardly hated myself for becoming fat.

Now, don't get me wrong, along with all of these negatives came a couple of really awesome positives. I'm a damn fine mother. I'm not perfect, not by a long shot. I lose my cool. I yell. I get bored and frustrated and all the other "we pretend we don't do those things so people will like us" words. The monotony of stay-at-home-mommydom gets to me just as it gets to all of you who are in my boat. But... I'm a good mom. I work at it. I give it my all and I fail and I pick myself up and keep going. That's all anyone can ever ask of me.

And I'm working on becoming a really great wife. I wasn't before and it's something I'm making a conscience effort to change. Loving someone is a full time job (a job you should want to do) and somewhere along side all of the above, I forgot that.

But what I'm not and what I really want to be, is an AMAZING WOMAN. A woman who knows her wants and desires and conquers her day with abundant faith and hope and love. A woman who turns to God instead of food to fuel her emotional and physical needs. A woman who knows when to ask for help and when to say, "no, I can't" or "yes, I can". A woman who puts God first. Who focuses on that relationship because it is ultimately all that matters. A woman who realizes that her sex appeal is directly related to her inner strength and inner beauty. I want to be a woman who understands that elusive balance of mind, body and spirit.

I want to be sexy. Again.

But I want it differently now. I want that "sexy" to be a bit refined and modern. I want that sexy to radiate from a confidence of knowing myself. Knowing my abilities and my weaknesses. I want that "sexy" to be mother nature and go-go girl and spiritual leader all wrapped into a package of fierce and kind and loving.

How I get there I'm not exactly sure but I think it starts with my bible and a trip to the gym.

Oh and maybe a dose of kindness for myself. After all; Life is a journey, not a destination.