The Journey, Part 4

I do not believe that my illness is some form of punishment. I believe its genetic and that the hormone therapy I spoke of earlier negatively effected my endocrine system and was simply the key my body needed to jump-start multiple autoimmune diseases that would have eventually started on their own. Doctors do not know the cause of Hashimoto's but you can read more about their theories here.


I believe in God. And I believe that through prayer and worship I have everything I need. That he gives us everything we need. All the information I need to help myself is out there. I just have to have my eyes open and be willing to look for it.

I know many will ask, if I worked so hard, if I lost those 25 lbs and was finally looking in a mirror and liking myself again, why did I let myself slide back? Well old habits die hard, I guess. And honestly? I just changed the outside. I didn't do anything the first time to deal with emotional and spiritual side of my issues. We've all heard one person or another, or watched a scene on a TV show or read an article about this exact thing: LOSING THE WEIGHT DOES NOT MAKE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR!

The weight is just a symptom, it is NOT the problem.

And now in March of 2013, my faith in God has brought me back here. To my blog. Many will find the title of my blog a little disconcerting when placed alongside my faith. Please don't, because I'm not perfect. And at the end of a long day sometimes I drink a glass of wine or two. And that doesn't make me any less of a Christian. It just makes me an honest one. I'm sarcastic and kind of vain. I'm not always the best mommy but I'm trying. I don't always do what I should and I recognize that I have faults. And I want to share my knowledge, my life lessons and my journey with all of you.

My hope is that this blog helps me to let go of the control I so desperately cling to. To put it all out there and know that ultimately nothing on this Earth is within my control. To know that sharing our lives is why we are here and that if we don't, we will leave this Earth not having given everything we could. And when I've spent my last days here I want to know that I've done everything within my human power to leave it a little bit better.

Eating whole foods and learning as much as I can about food and nutrition has become a passion I want to share. Thanks to my pilates trainer, who is also a health coach, my beliefs about food have greatly changed.  Please check out her blog The Whole Beet. You will learn so much!

I'll post recipes and crafts. I'll post style guides and fashion tips, exercises and outfits. I'll post medical knowledge that I learn, and as I go along on this journey of treating my body with whole foods, I'll share it with you. I'll post my kiddos shenanigans, my kiddos sweet moments, funny stories about my husband and our relationship. Helpful hints on how to make your marriage amazing (it's become one of our focuses this year, so I'll share that journey as well). And last but certainly not least. I'll share my faith with you. I'll share my God with you. Because I am called to. Because I need to.

I hope you'll join my journey.   

The Journey, Part 3

Time to make changes. Well the sentence seems easy enough but it just wasn't that simple. I've heard it said about Celiacs, that giving up gluten is the hardest thing in the world to do because everyone eats it. Gluten is everywhere. It's a part of our culture. And that no Celiac will ever just give it up and be done. There come a moment where a choice has to be made, and that choice is to view gluten as a poison. And that until you view the gluten as a poison, that every time you put it in your body you are poisoning yourself, you will never give it up completely. How does this correspond to me? Well, I sometimes eat junk. Highly processed, full of crap junk. Why is this important? Well it upsets the natural balance of my endocrine system. And since my endocrine system has little balance to begin with, basically I'm f*cking up the inside of my body.  (Sorry if the language offends, sometimes it is very much needed.)

And what's worse? I don't feed my children that junk. Just me. My oldest son, Carson, is allergic to corn. That means corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup as well. And basically from the time he started consuming table food instead of baby food, the pre-packaged, processed crap has never been in our house. And for the first year and a half we just didn't buy it. Then we started buying it and not eating it in front of him. And then we started buying it and just telling him he couldn't have it. Which now, looking back on the behavior, was just plain mean. And what it all boils down to? Selfishness. I wanted to eat girl scout cookies and candy bars and chips and sugary cereals and candy and snack crackers and the list could go on and on.

So in January 2012, I went on the Reboot Your Life challenge with the help of my Endocrinologist. Please go read all about it, I highly recommend it. Keep in mind, it is not for everyone. We tested all my nutrition levels, protein specifically, because during the Reboot you give up all animal products. Basically you go Vegan. And my husband, God bless him, did it with me for the most part. He ate what I ate. So did my kiddos, only I'd grill up a chicken or turkey breast to add to their meal. They are growing boys after all! I purchased a juicer and I started. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the hardest 15 days of my life. Because it was. I learned a lot about fruits and vegetables. What is organic? And why it's better for you. What veggies and fruits should always be organic and which ones can you successfully wash and clean. Which vegetable has more potassium or Vitamin C or Zinc. Same for fruit. Why I should eat which one and what do they do in my body?

We ate baked acorn squash with mushroom and oregano stuffing. We ate cold soups (turns out I like those) and tons of salad. I juiced beets and fennel and celery and cucumbers and pineapples and pears and strawberries and kale and spinach. I learned about fiber content and why you shouldn't juice the spinach and the kale and you should blend it into your juice afterwards.

And halfway through I had to add lean protein back into the mix as my levels had become too low for my doctors liking. But you know what? By the end... no hives. I went 14 days without a single hive for the first time in over a year and a half. It was pure heaven! And the best part of it all? I stopped taking the steroids. The day I started juicing, I threw out the bottle. And I've never looked back.

And thanks to the juicing I was able to start working out again. I still had to shower immediately afterwards, as leaving the sweat on my skin is a big no-no for the hives, but as long as I drank my juice daily, going to the gym and giving 110% was not a problem anymore.

The juicing gave me back my life. And while that sounds over-dramatic, its not. It changed my belief system about modern medicine and healing our bodies with food.

At the end of my Reboot I had lost 7 lbs, and my doctor and I had that discussion about my weight. I was now sitting at 200lbs. We ultimately decided on prescription weight loss. Phentermine, click for more information. I was nervous, the side effects were definitely scary sounding but I knew I needed help. And they worked. The only side effect I had was dry mouth. And when I worked out I was sweating more than normal but to be honest that one didn't bother me.  In a matter of 3 months I dropped 25 lbs. I was ecstatic!

And so she took me off the phentermine. And while I kept up the exercise and the diet, slowly the weight began to creep back up on me. It was Spring so being outside more meant that I was moving more and the weight was slower to come on this time.  Summer came and we traveled and ate out more, so I got lazy. In Texas, the heat becomes unbearable by August so you stop going outside as much and find yourself sitting in the AC. And preschool started back up for he boys and I found myself looking in the mirror.

It had taken about 6 months until I had gained it all back + some. And by October of 2012, I was back to hovering around 200 lbs and I was back to hating my body and myself. And with the self loathing came the little voice who said it was okay to eat the junk. And the more junk I ate, the worse I felt. And the worse I felt the less I cared. And the less I cared, well that was the downslide that brings me here. Once again overweight. Once again suffering from the hives. Because even though I know, food is the cure I can't seem to make myself cure myself. Why?

Well because it is human nature to be selfish. To want things even though we know they are bad for us. To do things even though we know we shouldn't. To not do things even though we know we should.

Something else happened in October of 2012 though. We, my husband and I, found a church. Grace Avenue Methodist Church, I believe found us, that God put me there. Because finding Grace Avenue is what has led me to this point, where I can be honest and up front about my journey. Re-focusing my life back onto my faith. Focusing on God, teaching myself to let go of my silly need to control everything, has centered my mind and allowed me to look at what I've done to myself with both forgiveness and honesty.  I let my human nature lead me away from everything that is important. I let my wants and desires rule my choices. In terms of the Christian faith, which is what I believe in, I sinned.

So what next? Why am I here, telling you my story?
  

The Journey, Part 2

When all of the allergy testing came in, besides the food and environmental allergies, there were some important hormonal markers. The first being a thyroid condition. It was low, which to me was a Godsend! The weight wasn't completely my fault?! Hallelujah! The second marker being for rheumatoid arthritis. And the third marker was an autoimmune marker. That was our first signal. But to be honest all of the doctors glossed over it and as of yet I wasn't being a very good advocate for myself. Since I had no arthritic pain or symptoms we decided the next step would be to see an Endocrinologist. 

There was 3 weeks to wait to see her, so I waited. What else could I do? All the while I had given up the allergy foods and hadn't seen much change. And I missed squash! I hadn't realized that we ate it at least twice a week until I had to give it up. You know, it is one of the easiest veggies to get on the table at night when you need to feed your family. Anywho, I finally was in to see the Endo and basically was told there needed to be more testing done before she could prescribe anything. What I found out later (3 endocrinologists later) was that that nasty little autoimmune marker that no one wanted to discuss was telling them that my issues were more than what appeared on the surface.


Now here's a little info about me: I was not being a very good advocate for myself (repetitive, I know). I was taking what the doctors were telling me and letting that be the end all, be all of the situation. I was doing no research. I wasn't asking very good questions. The only thing I was doing was food and lifestyle journaling.

And the part that I've left out up to here is the swelling. Random swelling. It started with my eye one night. Then my lip did it. Then one morning I woke up to my lady parts swollen (oh you read that right!). My hand one day. Just my toes on my right foot one morning. And every time I told the doctors about this no one ever seemed to have an answer or to really care. It wasn't lasting for longer than a few hours so it must not be important. Well, that was just fine and dandy to the doctors but when you can't walk (or at least not comfortably) because your lady parts are swollen, well nothing seems all that fine and dandy!

   I know they are horrible pictures but nothing 

about the swelling is very pretty anyway.

So the second round of testing comes in from the endocrinologist and she diagnoses me with Hashimoto's Thryroiditis (oh does spell check hate that one!). Well what is that? I'd never heard of it before and until the last 3 years very few people had. Basically your Thyroid doesn't work. According to the Mayo Clinic:

Hashimoto's disease is a disorder that affects your thyroid, a small gland at the base of your neck, below your Adam's apple. The thyroid gland is part of your endocrine system, which produces hormones that coordinate many of your body's activities.

In Hashimoto's disease, also known as chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis, your immune system attacks your thyroid gland. The resulting inflammation often leads to an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism). Hashimoto's disease is the most common cause of hypothyroidism in the United States. It primarily affects middle-aged women, but also can occur in men and women of any age and in children.

Doctors test your thyroid function to help detect Hashimoto's disease. Treatment of Hashimoto's disease with thyroid hormone replacement usually is simple and effective.

And symptoms include:

Hashimoto's disease does not have unique signs and symptoms. The disease typically progresses slowly over a number of years and causes chronic thyroid damage, leading to a drop in thyroid hormone levels in your blood. The signs and symptoms are mainly those of an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism).

The signs and symptoms of hypothyroidism vary widely, depending on the severity of hormone deficiency. At first, you may barely notice any symptoms, such as fatigue and sluggishness, or you may simply attribute them to getting older. But as the disease progresses, you may develop more-obvious signs and symptoms. Signs and symptoms of hypothyroidism include:

• Fatigue and sluggishness
• Increased sensitivity to cold
• Constipation
• Pale, dry skin
• A puffy face
• Hoarse voice
• An elevated blood cholesterol level
• Unexplained weight gain — occurring infrequently and rarely exceeding 10 to 20 pounds, most of which is fluid
• Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness, especially in your shoulders and hips
• Pain and stiffness in your joints and swelling in your knees or the small joints in your hands and feet
• Muscle weakness, especially in your lower extremities
• Excessive or prolonged menstrual bleeding (menorrhagia)
• Depression

Without treatment, signs and symptoms gradually become more severe and your thyroid gland may become enlarged (goiter). In addition, you may become more forgetful, your thought processes may slow or you may feel depressed.

Seriously? OH. MY. Good. Grief! This was me. Cut and dry, me. I didn't have them all (well, I have the sensitivity to cold now, but I didn't then) and not all of my skin was dry just my eyelids, there's one for the books, right? And there will be many a post about my forgetfulness which up until this point I attributed to having babies. We've all heard that one! The ever-dreaded pregnancy brain! I just thought mine never went away.

And yes, while this first endocrinologist may have diagnosed me. That's all she did. The disease was never properly explained to me. The swelling didn't really bother her either. And the dosage of medication? Half of a 25 microgram pill every other day. That is less than 50 micrograms per week! What kind of difference was that going to make? So I began the hunt for another endocrinologist with the help of my OBGYN.

At my yearly exam in the Fall of 2011, I filled my OBGYN in. I hadn't seen her since June at the conclusion of the hormone therapy. Which in June, the hive condition was still relatively new. The swelling concerned her. Well thank God! Someone finally cared. Only her caring was a little scary. She thought I might be allergic to sperm. Specifically my husband's sperm. Oh wouldn't that just be great!!! Thanks to my handy food and lifestyle journal we figured out that almost all of the swelling incidents coincided with sexual activity. (I'd obviously figured that one out before hand but I was pretending I hadn't noticed... what was I going to do? Stop having sex?!) So we started with changing his soaps to all natural, free and clear soaps. But it's hard to tell if that was the trick that did it...

See by then I had found a new Endo, who had upped my dosage to 25 mcg Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, and by this point everything that touched my body was 'free and clear", not to mention the absence of all the allergy foods. And here is the kicker, thanks to my journal I had realized that the bulk of the swelling, especially the lady part swelling, coincided with tequila consumption. Yes also sex, but tequila consumption as well. So I gave up margaritas. I know, it is very sad but since then I've only had the swelling occur twice. And ladies and gents, I will take it! So to this date we've never had the dreaded sperm allergy testing done. And I really hope we never have to. 

This new Endo seemed to be sent from God! She explained Hashimoto's to me as an autoimmune disorder and that where there is one autoimmune disorder there are bound to be more. She also explained to me that the hives are something called Chronic or Idiopathic Urticaria. Chronic because it is not likely I'll ever see them go away completely and Idiopathic because we still can't seem to pinpoint one thing that causes them. She brought up the markers for Rheumatoid Arthritis, explained that it also is an autoimmune disorder and that unless or until I see symptoms, a doctor is not a priority as there are no pre-treatments. What she did for me was open my eyes. She told me I had multiple auto immune disorders. That my immune system attacks my thyroid and the histamine receptors in my brain. What she somehow got to sink into my brain was that there was no, one-pill-cure for what I had. I have diseases that I will live with for the rest of my life and it was time to accept that. My sister is a Type-I diabetic, I completely understand living with a disease for the entirety of one's life. But until it happens to you, there is simply no way to know how you will react.

And then one day, she brought up my weight. Now I get it. No one wants to talk about this and for me weight has and probably will always be, a very sensitive issue. I had reached 207 lbs. I'm tall and curvy so I get away with carrying extra weight around better than most but still I'm not stupid. I was unhealthy and on a path to somewhere I did not want to go. This was right before Christmas so I told her, at the beginning of the new year we'd discuss it again. I recognize how childish this was of me but come on... it's Christmas! And there were goodies everywhere! But she said okay.

One night at my mom's group monthly Keno meetup (December 2011), a friend told me about this documentary, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. Please check it out, it changed my life! And I'm not being sarcastic or over dramatic. I sat there in awe and cried throughout most of the film. Why? Because I finally "met" someone who was in my boat! I WAS NOT ALONE!!! And what was even more life changing was these two men were 10 years further along in the boat than I was and I knew instantly that I could not, would not, end up where they did. The steroids had to go. Because it was now easy to see, after seeing this film, that the constant ingestion of steroids into your systems sets you up for failure and that no amount of relief they could give me was ever going to be worth it.  Steroids wreak havoc on your endocrine system (hormones). Which doctors know. But they are still prescribed for all sorts of endocrine based problems. Makes complete sense right?

I did not want to end up a 300 lb blob with heart problems and high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Because if nothing else it would make the rheumatoid arthritis come on faster and would ultimately take my children's mother and my husband's wife from this earth. That is the place that this film took me to.

And that was the place I ultimately needed to be to start making some changes.

Coming soon... The Journey, Part 3