Time to make changes. Well the sentence seems easy enough but it just wasn't that simple. I've heard it said about Celiacs, that giving up gluten is the hardest thing in the world to do because everyone eats it. Gluten is everywhere. It's a part of our culture. And that no Celiac will ever just give it up and be done. There come a moment where a choice has to be made, and that choice is to view gluten as a poison. And that until you view the gluten as a poison, that every time you put it in your body you are poisoning yourself, you will never give it up completely. How does this correspond to me? Well, I sometimes eat junk. Highly processed, full of crap junk. Why is this important? Well it upsets the natural balance of my endocrine system. And since my endocrine system has little balance to begin with, basically I'm f*cking up the inside of my body. (Sorry if the language offends, sometimes it is very much needed.)
And what's worse? I don't feed my children that junk. Just me. My oldest son, Carson, is allergic to corn. That means corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup as well. And basically from the time he started consuming table food instead of baby food, the pre-packaged, processed crap has never been in our house. And for the first year and a half we just didn't buy it. Then we started buying it and not eating it in front of him. And then we started buying it and just telling him he couldn't have it. Which now, looking back on the behavior, was just plain mean. And what it all boils down to? Selfishness. I wanted to eat girl scout cookies and candy bars and chips and sugary cereals and candy and snack crackers and the list could go on and on.
So in January 2012, I went on the Reboot Your Life challenge with the help of my Endocrinologist. Please go read all about it, I highly recommend it. Keep in mind, it is not for everyone. We tested all my nutrition levels, protein specifically, because during the Reboot you give up all animal products. Basically you go Vegan. And my husband, God bless him, did it with me for the most part. He ate what I ate. So did my kiddos, only I'd grill up a chicken or turkey breast to add to their meal. They are growing boys after all! I purchased a juicer and I started. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the hardest 15 days of my life. Because it was. I learned a lot about fruits and vegetables. What is organic? And why it's better for you. What veggies and fruits should always be organic and which ones can you successfully wash and clean. Which vegetable has more potassium or Vitamin C or Zinc. Same for fruit. Why I should eat which one and what do they do in my body?
We ate baked acorn squash with mushroom and oregano stuffing. We ate cold soups (turns out I like those) and tons of salad. I juiced beets and fennel and celery and cucumbers and pineapples and pears and strawberries and kale and spinach. I learned about fiber content and why you shouldn't juice the spinach and the kale and you should blend it into your juice afterwards.
And halfway through I had to add lean protein back into the mix as my levels had become too low for my doctors liking. But you know what? By the end... no hives. I went 14 days without a single hive for the first time in over a year and a half. It was pure heaven! And the best part of it all? I stopped taking the steroids. The day I started juicing, I threw out the bottle. And I've never looked back.
And thanks to the juicing I was able to start working out again. I still had to shower immediately afterwards, as leaving the sweat on my skin is a big no-no for the hives, but as long as I drank my juice daily, going to the gym and giving 110% was not a problem anymore.
The juicing gave me back my life. And while that sounds over-dramatic, its not. It changed my belief system about modern medicine and healing our bodies with food.
At the end of my Reboot I had lost 7 lbs, and my doctor and I had that discussion about my weight. I was now sitting at 200lbs. We ultimately decided on prescription weight loss. Phentermine, click for more information. I was nervous, the side effects were definitely scary sounding but I knew I needed help. And they worked. The only side effect I had was dry mouth. And when I worked out I was sweating more than normal but to be honest that one didn't bother me. In a matter of 3 months I dropped 25 lbs. I was ecstatic!
And so she took me off the phentermine. And while I kept up the exercise and the diet, slowly the weight began to creep back up on me. It was Spring so being outside more meant that I was moving more and the weight was slower to come on this time. Summer came and we traveled and ate out more, so I got lazy. In Texas, the heat becomes unbearable by August so you stop going outside as much and find yourself sitting in the AC. And preschool started back up for he boys and I found myself looking in the mirror.
It had taken about 6 months until I had gained it all back + some. And by October of 2012, I was back to hovering around 200 lbs and I was back to hating my body and myself. And with the self loathing came the little voice who said it was okay to eat the junk. And the more junk I ate, the worse I felt. And the worse I felt the less I cared. And the less I cared, well that was the downslide that brings me here. Once again overweight. Once again suffering from the hives. Because even though I know, food is the cure I can't seem to make myself cure myself. Why?
Well because it is human nature to be selfish. To want things even though we know they are bad for us. To do things even though we know we shouldn't. To not do things even though we know we should.
Something else happened in October of 2012 though. We, my husband and I, found a church. Grace Avenue Methodist Church, I believe found us, that God put me there. Because finding Grace Avenue is what has led me to this point, where I can be honest and up front about my journey. Re-focusing my life back onto my faith. Focusing on God, teaching myself to let go of my silly need to control everything, has centered my mind and allowed me to look at what I've done to myself with both forgiveness and honesty. I let my human nature lead me away from everything that is important. I let my wants and desires rule my choices. In terms of the Christian faith, which is what I believe in, I sinned.
So what next? Why am I here, telling you my story?
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