We've all had that moment. The one where you decide you are done. Just done. Maybe it's with the PTA or some craft you've been working on or trying to get that dang stain off of the counter (just me? okay.) but we've all been there, none the less.
And maybe it's something bigger. I have a friend who has declared 2013 "The Year of No CRAP". And I love that! She decided it was time to stop taking other peoples crap, that she'd stop dealing with the crap she doesn't want to deal with... you know what I'm talking about: maybe you don't care that your junk drawer is over flowing and why should you? Or maybe you couldn't care one iota about a pile of shoes in your closet. And again why should you? And honestly? You think that blonde with the 6 kids and the perfect manicure and the perfect legs and the perfect husband and the homemade cupcakes is probably really stinking tired!!!
Well, we do care and here's why. We "feel" like we should care because we live in this self-obsessed world where the how-to's, the tips, the tricks, the blogs, the magazines, the "I woke up at 4:30 am and went for an 8 mile run, came home made breakfast for my family, packed my kiddos and husband's lunch, cleaned all the bathrooms, showered and got dressed, including these fabulous 6" platform heels and mini-dress, that I'm now going to chase my 3 year old around in all day" MOMS, tell us we should have perfectly organized "junk drawers" (am I the only one who sees the oxymoron here?) and our shoes should all be aligned according to height and color and season... is that even possible?
And we compare ourselves to each other like no other generation before. Why? Well because we can. We are inundated with pictures of grandiose homes and perfectly-styled children on beaches and husbands in $250 dress shirts and women who some how find the time to practice nail art on a daily basis while they scrub their baseboards with homemade non-toxic cleaners!
And here's the deal: I'm not saying you shouldn't try that nifty nail art trick or that non-toxic homemade cleaners aren't awesome and probably better for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to do everything you want to do. If you want to be that woman, than more power to you. What I'm saying is, when are we going to stop trying to be other women in hopes of becoming our perfect selves? Because I truly believe that the only way I can be the me I'm meant to be, the me that God intends me to be, is if I'm honest with myself about my life. Who are my friends, where and how do I spend my time, what things I'm doing and what are their purposes in my life? Am I being the best mother and wife I can be? These are the important questions.
So my friend decided enough was enough and stopped the CRAP! Like I said, we have all been there.
I know I have.
I think I'm there now.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
10 Steps to Being a Better Momma
I am not always a very good momma. I'm just not. I'm a little OCD and I'm controlling and I have little to no patience when I need to get things done. I'm quick to yell and I'm quick to say no. I also tolerate absolutely no back-talk (okay that one might be okay).
And sometimes, most days actually, I think "Wow! You need to breathe Amanda! They are just children!" So what is a modern, stay-at-home-mommy supposed to do? (You see the use of modern? It's there because in 1955 I just would have started mixing martinis at 3:30 PM.) Well here is what I'm going to do: my list for taking the steps necessary to change my outlook on myself as a momma.
1. Count to 10. And do it right now! Before you yell or put them in time-out or lose your cool. Is what they are asking or doing really all that bad? Are they just being children? Probably. See? You are much calmer now.
2. At least once a day when they ask you to do something you do not want to do, do it anyway! Why? Well because you make them do things all day long that they don't want to do and turn about is just fair play!
3. Be silly! This one is very hard for me. I'm sure there is some deep-rooted early childhood trauma or family issue that has caused me to pretend that nothing amuses me but... I'm raising children. And the whole wide world amuses them so I should just roll with it and laugh, and make goofy faces and let myself giggle when they burp (Unless it's at the dinner table... I have lines.)
4. Remember those games you played as a kid? Teach them to your kids! Jump over the cracks, play "I Spy with My Little Eye", Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Cooties, "My Momma Told Me", etc. If you PLAY with your children then you let yourself into their world. You become a part of their imagination. Why would you NOT want to be a part of that?!
5. Let them help you. Yes, this may make things harder for you in the end but the only they way they learn is by being taught. Cooking, setting the table, cleaning, doing laundry, planting flowers, the list could go on and on and on. And they WANT to do all of these things. It makes them feel important and helpful and close to you, so let them! Besides, someday they will be teenagers and they won't want to. (And maybe, just maybe, if you teach them the importance of taking responsibility for your home and yourself now, you won't raise ungrateful, little, entitled shits! ~ Rant over.)
6. Take a walk. Now this one seems very simple but kids are intrigued by just about everything so go for a walk with them and let them talk your ear off.
7. Ask them questions. This can go hand in had with just about everything above but if I'm being honest, and I am, then sometimes I don't ask my kids questions because I'm in a hurry and "I don't have enough time" to hear the entire answer. This is, of course, very untrue. I have plenty of time to hear everything they tell me, because if I don't then someday they just won't talk to me and that sounds like utter hell.
8. Bake with them. Why? Because children need to be taught to cook. Why? Because baking teaches basic math skills. Why? Because if they can bake they can make homemade gifts for their friends and loved ones for the rest of their lives. Why? Because when you are done you have yummy treats to eat!
9. Take road trips. Now, I know these can be challenging. But I truly believe in the power of endless hours in the car. As I said to a friend recently, "I want my kiddos to know I love them so much, that I'm willing to spend 20 hours in the car with them!" Look for a How We Survive Road Trips post very soon!
10. Look them in the eye and tell them you love them. Tell them they are smart. Tell them what they do well. Tell them you are proud of them. Tell them they are funny. But most importantly: LOOK THEM IN THE EYE! I believe in this. I really do. Eye contact is truly a connection, we can say any number of things but did the other person really hear you? Understand you? You'll never know if you don't look them in the eye.
Well there 'ya go! Maybe these will help you too. Maybe you need a reminder just as much as I do, that being a Mommy can be very tough and we all need to remember what's important once in a while. Or maybe you need some ideas on how to connect with your little ones. Whatever you needed, I hope you found it! Oh and one more thing: I truly believe a glass of wine after bed time makes me a better mommy. And wife. And woman. It just makes me happy!
And sometimes, most days actually, I think "Wow! You need to breathe Amanda! They are just children!" So what is a modern, stay-at-home-mommy supposed to do? (You see the use of modern? It's there because in 1955 I just would have started mixing martinis at 3:30 PM.) Well here is what I'm going to do: my list for taking the steps necessary to change my outlook on myself as a momma.
1. Count to 10. And do it right now! Before you yell or put them in time-out or lose your cool. Is what they are asking or doing really all that bad? Are they just being children? Probably. See? You are much calmer now.
2. At least once a day when they ask you to do something you do not want to do, do it anyway! Why? Well because you make them do things all day long that they don't want to do and turn about is just fair play!
3. Be silly! This one is very hard for me. I'm sure there is some deep-rooted early childhood trauma or family issue that has caused me to pretend that nothing amuses me but... I'm raising children. And the whole wide world amuses them so I should just roll with it and laugh, and make goofy faces and let myself giggle when they burp (Unless it's at the dinner table... I have lines.)
4. Remember those games you played as a kid? Teach them to your kids! Jump over the cracks, play "I Spy with My Little Eye", Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Cooties, "My Momma Told Me", etc. If you PLAY with your children then you let yourself into their world. You become a part of their imagination. Why would you NOT want to be a part of that?!
5. Let them help you. Yes, this may make things harder for you in the end but the only they way they learn is by being taught. Cooking, setting the table, cleaning, doing laundry, planting flowers, the list could go on and on and on. And they WANT to do all of these things. It makes them feel important and helpful and close to you, so let them! Besides, someday they will be teenagers and they won't want to. (And maybe, just maybe, if you teach them the importance of taking responsibility for your home and yourself now, you won't raise ungrateful, little, entitled shits! ~ Rant over.)
6. Take a walk. Now this one seems very simple but kids are intrigued by just about everything so go for a walk with them and let them talk your ear off.
7. Ask them questions. This can go hand in had with just about everything above but if I'm being honest, and I am, then sometimes I don't ask my kids questions because I'm in a hurry and "I don't have enough time" to hear the entire answer. This is, of course, very untrue. I have plenty of time to hear everything they tell me, because if I don't then someday they just won't talk to me and that sounds like utter hell.
8. Bake with them. Why? Because children need to be taught to cook. Why? Because baking teaches basic math skills. Why? Because if they can bake they can make homemade gifts for their friends and loved ones for the rest of their lives. Why? Because when you are done you have yummy treats to eat!
9. Take road trips. Now, I know these can be challenging. But I truly believe in the power of endless hours in the car. As I said to a friend recently, "I want my kiddos to know I love them so much, that I'm willing to spend 20 hours in the car with them!" Look for a How We Survive Road Trips post very soon!
10. Look them in the eye and tell them you love them. Tell them they are smart. Tell them what they do well. Tell them you are proud of them. Tell them they are funny. But most importantly: LOOK THEM IN THE EYE! I believe in this. I really do. Eye contact is truly a connection, we can say any number of things but did the other person really hear you? Understand you? You'll never know if you don't look them in the eye.
Well there 'ya go! Maybe these will help you too. Maybe you need a reminder just as much as I do, that being a Mommy can be very tough and we all need to remember what's important once in a while. Or maybe you need some ideas on how to connect with your little ones. Whatever you needed, I hope you found it! Oh and one more thing: I truly believe a glass of wine after bed time makes me a better mommy. And wife. And woman. It just makes me happy!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Annoyance, Issue 1
I have a few pet peeves. Go figure, right? The first is this little gem, this little meme:
Oh how I despise it! Because really everybody has time for everything. I don't mean that in a "go be Martha Stewart" and label every item in your pantry sort of way (but by all means, if you want to, go for it). I just mean that if it is important, you make time for it. And sometimes what is important to you is not important to other people. And what is important to other people is not important to you.
I love crafting and baking and doing those home-type things that a lot of people feel, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" Well here's the deal: It is just plain rude to tell someone that. It makes them feel that their efforts are unimportant. It makes them feel as if the things they've chosen to do with their time were pointless and stupid. I'd never say to a working mother that her spread sheet and/ or presentation she stayed up all night stressing over and reworking and rewriting for her 9 am meeting just isn't important because, "Ain't nobody go time for that". But for some reason no one has an issue telling me that the wreath I made or the Frittata I put on my dinner table or the homemade laundry detergent I make, was just a waste of time.
Because that is what you are saying.
So stop it.
And my next pet peeve is a little less important. I love Spring. I do. I love getting outside and enjoying the warmer weather and the sunshine and planting flowers and gardening. I love Spring. But I seriously dislike people building new fences. And by dislike I mean hate.
The constant hammering. The constant beating that echoes through the neighborhood until it's all you can hear. And you aren't sure where it's coming from exactly because of the echo, so the noise seems to surround you. And then you venture outside and it is only worse because now it isn't hindered by the walls of your home. And as you walk with your children to the park only to realize you can still hear it blocks away, you find the house that is building said new fence, and know that it's going to take at least 2-3 days and that the constant barrage of hammer to nail to wood isn't going to stop anytime soon. So you count to 10 and try to meditate your way out of the hatred for the people who don't understand that there are people home during the day whose children might need to take a nap. And you remind yourself that everyone has to build fences now and then.
But as revenge, the next time we build one, we are starting at 7am on Saturday and Sunday so all of you can feel my pain!!!
Oh how I despise it! Because really everybody has time for everything. I don't mean that in a "go be Martha Stewart" and label every item in your pantry sort of way (but by all means, if you want to, go for it). I just mean that if it is important, you make time for it. And sometimes what is important to you is not important to other people. And what is important to other people is not important to you.
I love crafting and baking and doing those home-type things that a lot of people feel, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" Well here's the deal: It is just plain rude to tell someone that. It makes them feel that their efforts are unimportant. It makes them feel as if the things they've chosen to do with their time were pointless and stupid. I'd never say to a working mother that her spread sheet and/ or presentation she stayed up all night stressing over and reworking and rewriting for her 9 am meeting just isn't important because, "Ain't nobody go time for that". But for some reason no one has an issue telling me that the wreath I made or the Frittata I put on my dinner table or the homemade laundry detergent I make, was just a waste of time.
Because that is what you are saying.
So stop it.
And my next pet peeve is a little less important. I love Spring. I do. I love getting outside and enjoying the warmer weather and the sunshine and planting flowers and gardening. I love Spring. But I seriously dislike people building new fences. And by dislike I mean hate.
The constant hammering. The constant beating that echoes through the neighborhood until it's all you can hear. And you aren't sure where it's coming from exactly because of the echo, so the noise seems to surround you. And then you venture outside and it is only worse because now it isn't hindered by the walls of your home. And as you walk with your children to the park only to realize you can still hear it blocks away, you find the house that is building said new fence, and know that it's going to take at least 2-3 days and that the constant barrage of hammer to nail to wood isn't going to stop anytime soon. So you count to 10 and try to meditate your way out of the hatred for the people who don't understand that there are people home during the day whose children might need to take a nap. And you remind yourself that everyone has to build fences now and then.
But as revenge, the next time we build one, we are starting at 7am on Saturday and Sunday so all of you can feel my pain!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)